So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
