Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize