True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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