dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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