I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
