There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
