Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
