That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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