brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The best revenge is premature balding
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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