If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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