I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize