is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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