im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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