so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
