Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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