A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i barfeds in our rink
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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