I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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