I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
