so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
