Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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