Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
