walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
