loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
