Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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