Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
