I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
