Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
