His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
