It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
