i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sobbing to NWA
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
