omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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