I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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