If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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