so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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