God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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