so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
