His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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