3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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