We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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