Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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