The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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