apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he thought i was a dude.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
