how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
