kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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