I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize