white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
