I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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