do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
