be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
