You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
