five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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