I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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