bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
