hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize