He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
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I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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