Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
vagina is talking i cant
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
