If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
