my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
