Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
