i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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