just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
