Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
