you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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